Jasbina, founder of Intersections Match - the Only National Elite Matchmaking and Dating Coaching Firm for South Asian Singles, responds to questions about relationships and dating.
Question to Jasbina:
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Distant
I have a great boyfriend, who is smart, funny, and cute. We get along really well, except for one problem—his job involves a lot of travel and there are times when he is on the road for months. I find his absences difficult to deal with (although when he returns, we seem to be fine again). I’m concerned about how I’ll be able to cope with this long term. Would it be fair to move? I know it would be tough to give up on this relationship and I am confused about what to do.
Whether or not to end this relationship is a decision that only you can make. I can share some thoughts in the hopes of empowering you to navigate your way to the decision that is right for you.
Have you and your boyfriend ever had a heart-to-heart addressing this issue? Have you openly shared with him how you feel in his absence? Have you given him the opportunity to share openly with you how he feels about his travel in the present time; and whether he foresees a similar level of travel in the future?
In my opinion, for this discussion to be most beneficial, it is important that you encourage him to be candid about his thoughts and feelings.
Let him know that you can handle hearing whatever they are (as opposed to him potentially feeling the need to be less than candid so as not to disappoint you).
If you both feel truly invested in your relationship, perhaps the two of you can attempt to explore ways to accommodate your respective needs regarding this issue. For example, it may be feasible for either one of you to travel to see the other during extended periods of travel, perhaps on weekends. Share a brainstorming session regarding potential areas of compromise with respect to this issue.
Given how positively you feel about your boyfriend (great, smart, funny, cute), and how well you believe you get along, it seems it may be worth the effort of at least discussing your respective feelings about his travel, and together exploring ways to deal with it.
Perhaps most importantly, the manner in which you both approach accommodating each other’s respective needs with respect to this issue may help you decide how you feel about remaining in a relationship with your boyfriend. Best wishes.