Be ready to draw a crowd of disgruntled people who thought they were on the wedding invitation list and are now offended that they did not receive the invitation! You are on a budget and with seating constraints you try to do the best you can for this memorable occasion. A wedding is a special event that should be enjoyed by everyone invited and not considered as just “his or her special” day or an “adults-only” event.
The first and most critical step when planning a wedding is to make the all-important guest list. Both sides of the bride-to-be and groom-to-be and their parents should create the initial guest list jointly regardless of who is forking out chunk of the costs. Once you decide who to invite you can then start looking for the venue based on what you can afford and how many guests you can accommodate.
Sending out “save the date” announcements ahead of time can be tricky. The guests who receive these announcements have to be on your vigil – skipping them out would be a major faux-pas! Reserve these “save the date” announcements only for those guests you know will surely be invited.
So, who decides the final guest list? The person paying for the wedding has the prerogative while giving the wedding couple’s desires a high priority, within reason. Develop a step-by-step list by charting out who you would like present for the occasion by creating an A and B lists. These lists would include family members, relatives and close friends; who is it necessary to invite, i.e. colleagues, boss, or a long time friend you may not have seen in a while; and who is likely to attend and unlikely to attend because they may be traveling from another state or country. For the latter group, all family members should be included in the group, including children. If there are several functions, as there are with Indian weddings – don’t mix and match invitees, as you will hurt feelings.
There may be sticky situations that you rather conveniently leave certain people out as they can create unnecessary embarrassment for you or themselves. However, you feel obliged to invite them for whatever reason. It is always courteous to take the high road.
Be prepared to listen to other “new rules” such as you must invite your friends’ dates if they are dating! Do you have to invite their dates, too? Remember, there are always exceptions to consider. If the friend is engaged then the fiancé or fiancée should be invited. You are not obliged to invite the date unless both are your common friends and you plan on inviting them anyway. Besides by the time the wedding comes around they may no longer be dating.
The host should ensure that the wedding invitation is addressed with each guest’s name fully and accurately written. Human nature is such that we like to see our own complete name – we feel important! Furthermore, it takes out the ambiguity of who precisely is invited. Should your guests ask if they can bring extra guests to the wedding, respond to each request in a cordial manner telling your guests that you will check for available seats and get back to them. Don’t make the mistake of saying “no” on the spot! That is equivalent to a slap in the face and that is never good etiquette.
The RSVP date should be at least 45 days in advance as this gives you enough time to invite the guests on your B list. As a host, you may want to call the guests who have not yet responded. This fosters a stronger bond with people. There could be situations where they may not have received the invitation as the address may be incorrect, or they assumed you will know that they will be attending! With people glued to online media today, include an email address so your guests can contact you electronically. Unfortunately, although invitees should be courteous to timely respond, they often don’t because mailing requires more effort than an email. Therefore, to save time include an email address.
In situations where you may have to mail an invitation late, proper etiquette requires that you pick up the telephone and extend a phone invitation letting the guest know a written invitation is on its way. You may also want to explain the reason for the delay. Similarly, if you cannot invite certain close friends’ children, please do inform them in person before you send out the invitation. Remember, people prefer and forgive your being straightforward rather than you making up an excuse.
On the special day, pay attention to all guests and make them feel important, even the unexpected and uninvited guests. This is all you need to do and they will overlook everything. Greet the guests graciously and introduce yourself if you don't know them. Later on, you can kick back and have some fun, too. You’ve worked very hard with a thought out guest list. Remember it’s the welcomed guests who make a great party! Enjoy while being a gracious host.