What Your Wallet Says About You

(kinzdwallet/Jan Sander photography)

It’s easy enough to skim through several bills from a Scrooge McDuck-sized vault, and then ferry them via drone to Whole foods as payment for your monthly supply of stone crab and kale. However, this is no DuckTales and it finding someone capable of flying drones over long distances would be a tall order. For the plebeians, it would be more prudent to herd small change in the highly functional wallets. Below we explore the wide wallet spectrum and what your preferred choice says about you.

The Money Clip

Here’s to the minimalist – the man who prefers to travel light. You probably carry your ID, debit card, credit card, the emergency Benjamin, and subway or metro card – that’s it. Additionally, carbon fiber is durable and sleek. What is the reason for not carrying more items than you need? Because you prefer to keep things simple. Because you are the kind of dude who’ll not hesitate to pack up your 4Runner and head for the mountains with the objective of shredding some gnar only to return to the city on Saturday in time for your pal’s twenty-seventh birthday foray at your favorite nightclub.

You tread the fine line between confidence and conceit with great practiced grace. You keenly follow the lead of your old man with the kind of level-headed temperament exhibited by a mature individual. The same applies to the money clip wallet. With this kind of accessory, you’re a young dude playing the old man’s game, but there is no reason to be mad at you.

Velcro Trifold

Assuming you are currently in your twenties, then you have some cash to carry around, places to visit, and things to buy. Assuming my guess is right, have you at any point experienced the kind of trauma that makes you want to lock your stuff in something as binding and intense as Velcro? 

The thing is: if you still use Velcro trifolds, we would assume a great portion of your life probably ended up being transformed into a tattoo as Limp Bizkit lyrics. If that’s the case, then you did not have enough faith in the fact that contemporary rock would eventually evolve beyond the kind of music PacSun played on loop. 

Bifold

Like the guy who fancies the money clip, you prefer to keep everything to the minimal. However, while the money clip dude was born and raised in the suburbs bearing no suffix, you were conceived in a regency room in your family’s estate in close proximity to Tahoe. You got two middle names and a suffix as well.

Your newly arrived bifold is Italian, acquired from the finest, luxurious merchant operating in ancient Florence. It is the equivalent of my two month’s salary and you simply go “meh, it was mere pitons.”

No hate. I just want you to understand this. You’ve got an Instagram account that I sadly pore over during lunch breaks while shedding salty tears.

Rubber Band

I would rather not spend much time here. You are a guy who's clearly on a mission. And while at it, you make no effort to keep your intentions a secret.

I truly respect that kind of honesty. The streets are mean and you have no time to think about your cash withdrawals or the credit line you’d want to lay something on. There’s a good chance you have the singles for the gentlemen’s establishment. You probably carry those and you might be headed there as we speak to catch your lunch buffet. 

I’d rather be the bifold guy.

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